The 3-Word Quote: ‘Find Your Fire’
*Welcome to a special edition of the3mix. Each year, I collect scraps of advice I’ve stolen, borrowed, or learned from the year and hand them off to my kids as advice. This issue I’ve thrown together 33 items specifically for my son who is off to college in a few weeks. He knows he will be fiercely missed.
Stolen, borrowed, and learned: random life advice as you head to college
1.
Improvement is rarely visible.
If you want to look good in front of everyone, you have to outwork everybody in front of nobody. The public praises people for what they practice in private.
2.
Always remember a gentleman is someone who plays the accordion, but doesn’t.
Don’t exhaust people with something others care little about. Few are interested in other’s workouts, social media numbers, or fantasy football teams.
3.
Never throw a drowning person a manual on how to swim.
If someone needs help, give it; save the advice for later. This is especially true at college. If someone needs a ride home, drive. If someone wants you to walk them home, walk.
4.
Singing loudly while driving with your foot down and the volume up will always improve your mood.
If the song is a Tom Petty song, your mood will improve more.
5.
No dying man ever said on his deathbed, ‘I wish I would have spent more time scrolling on my phone.’
Decreasing your online presence will lead to real life presents.
6.
Arrogance requires advertising. Confidence speaks for itself.
Let others speak of your successes. Comedians don’t walk around telling people how funny they are.
7.
Make sure you are doing far more talking with your tongue than with your thumbs.
If you’re communicating more screen to screen than face to face, you’re doing life wrong.
8.
Youth can walk faster, but the elders know the way.
Enjoy the speed and excitement of this time in your life, but sometimes let someone older be your guide. Find a respected mentor and listen to their advice even if you decide not to follow it.
9.
Everything happens to you for a reason.
Sometimes the reason is you were dumb and made a bad decision. Do your best to make wise decisions. If you mess up, fess up. Don’t blame others. You won’t always get it right but when you don’t, try to make it right.
10.
Do real things in the real world.
If most of your conversations start with, ‘I saw this video…’ then you're not doing much.
11.
Much of your life is spent either in bed or on your feet.
Buy the best mattress and shoes you can afford.
12.
If you need a $75 metal cup to keep your water cold for 48 hours, you're not drinking enough water.
Know the difference between buying an effective tool and a status symbol. One you buy for you; the other you buy for others. Spending money to show people you have money is the quickest way to have less money.
13.
Be hard to offend and default to optimism.
You don’t have to show up to every argument you’re invited to.
14.
Remember the 90/90 rule.
When you think your 90% finished, you probably have 90% left to go. This is especially true for creative projects or painting a room.
15.
Pay close attention to small things.
More climbers were defeated by a blister than by the mountain.
More explorers were turned back by the mosquitoes than by a tiger.
16.
Always try to share your calm, not join the chaos.
17.
Networking can get you into places that a degree can’t.
Connections are career currency for most jobs.
18.
If you get into a fight with your girlfriend, always make sure you get the last word or two.
If it’s one word, make it ‘Sorry.’ If it’s two words, make them, ‘You're right.’ Sometimes you have to put them all together.
19.
If you want to create anything, remember three words: cheap, fast, and good.
But usually in life and business, you’ll only be able to do two of them, so:
If it is fast and cheap, it won’t be good.
If it is good and cheap, it won’t be fast.
And if it is fast and good, it won’t be cheap.
20.
The phrase ‘Nothing good happens after 2:00 AM’ is a lie.
21.
A fancy car isn’t a symbol of success if you’re driving it to a job you hate.
Try to learn this early in your career.
22.
Use the 5 feet / 5 second rule.
Always introduce yourself to anyone who comes within 5 feet of you or who has been in your presence for 5 seconds.
23.
Usually if you order something standing up or sitting in your car, you don’t have to tip.
For everything else, tip more than you think is fair.
24.
The time to build a well is before you're thirsty.
Allow time to plan.
25.
Things you buy in a Dollar Store are rarely a good deal.
26.
Most people who want to be the noun don’t want to do the verb.
They want to be a famous writer but don’t write.
They desire to be a movie star but don’t act.
They dream of being a tech founder but don’t program or create.
Always default to action. Start by doing the verb.
27.
Nearly everything online labeled a ‘challenge’ should be avoided.
28.
I’ve never seen anyone complain their way to success.
Your actions on bad days often matter more than your actions on good days.
29.
Extreme enthusiasm is worth 25 IQ points.
30.
Start working quickly on getting rich slowly.
Automate long term financial plans while you're young.
31.
Buy multiple phone and computer chargers and leave them plugged into the wall outlet.
No one ever misplaced an outlet.
32.
If you currently have nothing that you're bad at, you’re not doing enough things.
The opportunity to be average is incredibly valuable; it means you’re trying new things.
Take at least one class that isn’t in your major, doesn’t relate to your career, and is in a field you know little about.
Ben Franklin once said he had a friend who died at 25 but wasn’t buried until 75. Franklin was right: you stop learning, you stop living.
33.
If you drive by a kid and they make the ‘honk your horn gesture,’ you honk.
(Ok, this list ballooned beyond 33)
34.
Your dentist knows you don’t floss.
Don’t lie - to your dentist or to others (white lies that spare people’s feelings are the exception).
35.
They don’t build statues of critics.
If you find yourself in a class that doesn’t interest you, realize that the professor has found this material so interesting that they've dedicated their entire life to learning and teaching it.
Give the professor respect and the class time.
You don’t have to love it, but your complaining says more about you than the class (or about most things that people complain about).
36.
Plant trees you’ll never be able to climb on.
Doing positive things you’ll never be able to benefit from is a sign of maturity and kindness.
37.
The difference between coffee and your opinion is that people will ask for coffee.
38.
Most people don’t want accurate information, they want validating information on a topic.
Look for things that challenge your beliefs.
39.
A professional is expensive but an amateur will often cost you a fortune.
40.
If you race home after you did a good deed to post about it on social media, you didn’t do a good deed, you just made content for your feed.
41.
Always be ready to produce at least one good joke, one good story, and one good meal.
42.
Technology is often needed to produce good work. It’s not a requirement for a good life.
43.
Belief in yourself is a lot different than validation from others. Be sure you don’t confuse the two.
Once you have one, you rarely need the other.
44.
If you want an average idea, a committee is a pretty good place to start.
45.
Tragedies happen quickly; successes happen slowly.
The best phone calls home are usually about neither, but feel free to call about both.
46.
Read. A lot.
Most successful people in any field are prolific readers.
47.
Easy reading is hard writing.
Hard reading was easy writing.
Take a writing class and work on this skill no matter your career. The more effort you put in, the easier it is for your reader.
48.
Often real toughness isn’t about physical strength.
Toughness is when your mood isn’t dependent on your conditions.
49.
If you don’t have time to do the things that matter, then stop doing the things that don’t.
50.
Deep interest will always cause you to work harder than discipline (but be sure you have discipline too).
Combine the two and you’ll likely be radically successful - and happy.
51.
The solution is often nature. The problem doesn’t matter so much.
Time outside is never wasted.
52.
Years ago when you showed up to a duel, you were either quick or you were dead.
Today when you show up to work or class, you are either on time or you are rude.
53.
Two things that will often define you: your effort when you have nothing and your attitude when you need nothing.
54.
There are dozens of ways to get into a pool.
The stairs is not one of them. A cannonball is though.
55.
Always give people a little more credit than they deserve and take a little more blame than necessary.
56.
At some moment you’ll feel like you don’t belong or aren’t smart enough. Most people feel this at some time. It’s called Imposter Syndrome. When it appears, don’t let it stop you from doing what you want to do.
57.
Anthony Bourdain said, ‘If you’re twenty-two, physically fit, hungry to learn and be better, I urge you to travel - as far and as widely as possible. Sleep on floors if you have to. Find out how other people live and eat and cook. Learn from them.’
3 things before you go
listen: little life advice from The 502s, Sweet Enough.
read: First saw ‘life advice’ lists from Kevin Kelly who creates one each year. A few are stolen from him.
watch: much advice usually comes around graduation time in the form of speeches. Here’s one of my favorite college graduation speeches.
*Thanks for reading. If you have any scraps of advice, fee free to send them along. See you in 10 days.
-Jeff